Advice for Young Adults Balancing Mental Health, School, Life and Porn Addiction
- Jul 28
- 9 min read
In this article, taken from PBSE Podcast episode 291, Mark and Steve respond to an 18-year-old struggling with porn addiction, mental health challenges, and school stress, offering heartfelt advice to young adults in similar situations. They emphasize the power of accountability and responsibility, encourage the development of a personal “why” and vision, and advocate for sustainable self-care routines over perfection. They normalize sexual urges as creative energy, recommend aligning daily actions with core values, and stress the importance of consistent effort, healthy connections, and self-acceptance. Ultimately, they affirm that recovery is possible, and that young people are far from alone in their journey.
LISTEN TO EPISODE—
Inside this Episode:
Honoring the Courage to Speak Out
We receive a lot of submissions on this podcast, but every once in a while, something comes through that deeply moves us. That’s exactly what happened when we got a message from an 18-year-old young man who’s nearing the end of high school. He reached out to ask for help—not just for himself, but for others his age—about how to navigate the chaos of life while battling porn addiction and mental health challenges. It was incredibly insightful and mature. Frankly, it read more like something you'd expect from someone in their thirties.
This young man described facing a variety of challenges: a demanding school schedule, ADHD, being on the autism spectrum, and a growing awareness of his addiction to pornography. But what really stood out to us was his honesty, self-awareness, and willingness to own his journey. He wasn’t making excuses. He was taking accountability and asking for guidance. And that’s where healing begins.
It's clear to us that this rising generation is facing pressures unlike anything we experienced at that age. There’s a faster pace, more intense distractions, and a world filled with noise and conflicting voices. It’s a tough world for teens and young adults trying to make sense of who they are and where they’re going.
We want to do our best to honor this young man’s bravery by speaking to his concerns—not with abstract theory, but with grounded, experience-backed advice that speaks directly to young adults who feel overwhelmed, stuck, or discouraged. This episode—and now this article—is for them.
Redefining Accountability and Responsibility
When we talk about personal development, two words often come up: “accountable” and “responsible.” They might sound like textbook terms, but we’ve found that when young people really understand what they mean, those words can become powerful tools for change. For us, accountability isn’t about blame—it’s about ownership. It’s saying, “Here’s my story. Here’s what I’ve done or haven’t done. Here’s where I’ve struggled. And here’s how I’ve played a role in getting to where I am.”
Responsibility, on the other hand, is about our ability to respond. It’s about asking, “What can I actually do? What’s within my sphere of influence? How do my choices and actions impact this situation?” These two concepts together—being accountable and responsible—give us a framework to stop reacting and start choosing.
Unfortunately, our culture often steers us in the opposite direction. There’s a trend toward avoiding responsibility, blaming others, or getting stuck in victimhood. But when someone, especially a young adult, steps forward and says, “I’m owning my stuff and looking for solutions,” that’s rare and admirable.
The young man who wrote to us is already doing this. He’s well ahead of where we were at his age. He’s asking the right questions and showing a level of maturity that tells us he’s on a strong path forward. He’s becoming account-able and response-able. That kind of self-awareness, especially when facing something as hard as porn addiction and mental health challenges, is something we should celebrate.
Understanding Your “Why” Before Tackling the “How”
One of the most important principles we’ve ever learned in our recovery and coaching work is this: your brain is meaning-driven. It doesn’t just react to what's happening; it reacts to what those events mean to you. That’s why defining your “why” is so essential before trying to figure out the “how.”
Too often, we rush into the “how” questions: How do I stop watching porn? How do I stay sober? How do I fix my life? But if we skip over the “why”—why we even care about changing—our motivation will collapse when things get hard. A clear, authentic, and powerful “why” can carry you through just about any difficulty.
Many young adults today are wrestling with a deep sense of hopelessness. We’ve heard it over and over again: “What future do I even have? Why not just escape into porn, video games, social media?” But that’s why the “why” is more important than ever. If you can connect to your values, your purpose, your long-term vision, and who you want to become, that gives you an anchor when everything else feels chaotic.
It doesn’t have to be grand or poetic. Maybe your “why” is simply wanting to be the kind of man or woman who can show up for others. Maybe it’s wanting to find peace in your own skin. Maybe it’s about becoming someone who can break generational cycles and build something better. Whatever it is, find it. Write it down. Look at it often.
Creating a Vision of Who You Want to Become
Having a “why” naturally leads into developing a vision—an image of who you want to be and where you want your life to go. That vision becomes the compass that can guide your decisions, especially during tough times. For someone at 18, there’s probably no better time to start thinking about this.
We often encourage people to “play the tape forward.” What would your life look like if you kept going down the path you’re on—good or bad? What would it look like if you stayed addicted? What would it look like if you fought for freedom? Envisioning both outcomes helps clarify what really matters to you.
This process isn't just about imagining some distant future. It’s also about asking yourself daily: “What small steps can I take today that move me closer to that vision?” Those steps matter. They build momentum. And when setbacks happen—as they inevitably will—you’ll still know where you’re headed.
For young adults, especially, it’s important to ask: Who am I really? What makes me valuable? What do I want to contribute to this world? Most people never ask these questions—or they do, but much later in life. The earlier you can start living with intention, the more powerfully you’ll shape your own future.
Celebrate the Small Wins—They Matter
One of the biggest challenges with addiction recovery is how we define progress. For too many people, it becomes a pass/fail system based solely on whether they’ve relapsed. But recovery isn’t linear, and it isn’t black and white. There are dozens of ways to measure success—and they all matter.
Did you go one day longer without using porn? Did you respond with less shame after a slip-up? Did you bounce back quicker than before? Did you reach out for help when you normally wouldn’t have? These are all wins, and they deserve to be recognized.
Our culture often teaches us to focus only on the finish line. But healing happens in the small, consistent efforts. Especially for young people who are still building their identity, learning to celebrate your own growth—even if no one else notices—is one of the healthiest habits you can cultivate.
You’re not competing with anyone else. The only person you need to outgrow is the person you were yesterday. And that’s why taking time to pause, reflect, and feel gratitude for even the tiniest progress is so powerful. It shifts your mindset from “I’m never enough” to “I’m becoming something better every day.”
Build a Daily Routine That You Can Actually Sustain
One of the most common traps we see young adults fall into is trying to overhaul their life all at once. They set huge goals, burn out quickly, and then give up. That cycle of unrealistic expectation followed by failure is brutal on self-esteem, especially for those already battling shame and mental health issues.
The solution? Keep it small. Keep it sustainable. Focus on daily consistency. It doesn’t matter if you only have 15 or 20 minutes between classes or during your commute. Use that time to engage in something meaningful: journaling, meditation, gratitude, breathing exercises, prayer, listening to uplifting music, or reviewing your vision and priorities. Even brief moments of intentionality, practiced consistently, can rewire your brain over time.
Neuroscience confirms that lasting change comes more from steady repetition than dramatic effort. So even if it feels insignificant, that daily commitment adds up. Start where you are. Adapt to your life. If you can’t manage an hour, start with five minutes. The point is not to be perfect—it’s to be persistent.
And remember, the act of completing something every day, no matter how small, gives you a sense of accomplishment. That’s a huge boost for someone trying to rebuild self-worth and confidence. Stack enough of those small wins together, and you’ll start to feel real momentum.
Learning to Work With, Not Against, Your Mental Health
The young man who wrote to us mentioned his ADHD, depression, and being on the autism spectrum. These are not disqualifiers from recovery—they’re simply part of the context. One of the most compassionate things you can do for yourself is to learn how to meet yourself where you are.
So many people waste energy trying to become someone else—someone without “limitations.” But the truth is, your brain is wired a certain way, and that's not something to fight. It’s something to work with. For example, if ADHD makes it hard for you to remember things, create a master list. Use reminders. Break tasks into smaller steps. Create structures that support your success.
This isn’t about lowering standards; it’s about building smarter strategies. Operating within your real capacities lets you make the most of your energy without getting stuck in shame. That shame—the voice that says “I’m not enough” or “I’ll never succeed”—is one of the biggest drivers of addictive behavior.
Start seeing your mental health differences not as obstacles, but as part of your unique design. And remember, being gentle with yourself doesn’t mean giving up. It means staying committed while honoring your humanity.
Understand That Sexual Urges Are Not the Enemy
One of the most liberating truths we’ve discovered in our own journeys—and through helping others—is that sexual urges are not evil. They’re not something to fear or be ashamed of. In fact, they’re a form of creative energy that can be directed and channeled into meaningful expression.
Problems arise when we ignore the underlying emotions and needs driving those urges—when we’re lonely, anxious, angry, tired, or bored (what we call being “BLHASTed”). When those feelings go unaddressed, our brains look for the quickest, easiest way to soothe them. That’s often where porn comes in.
But if you learn to spot those feelings early and intervene with healthy self-care, you can redirect that energy before it builds into something overwhelming. This is about self-regulation—not suppression. It’s about knowing your patterns and building strategies that support long-term health, not short-term escape.
Addiction, especially sex addiction, is often a distortion of a legitimate need: the need for connection, meaning, and peace. When you start tending to those needs in healthier ways, the addictive behaviors naturally begin to lose their grip.
Strengthen Connections That Uplift and Support You
As much as this journey is personal, you’re not meant to do it alone. Healthy connection is essential to recovery. Whether it’s family, friends, mentors, therapists, or support groups, surrounding yourself with people who share your values and understand your journey makes all the difference.
We often use the phrase “stick with the winners.” That means gravitating toward people who are where you want to be, who model the kind of life you’re working toward. That kind of influence shapes your mindset and your behavior more than you might think.
If you’re looking for structured support, consider 12-step groups like Sexaholics Anonymous (SA.org), or other recovery communities designed for young adults. Programs like our own Dare to Connect aren’t just for couples—they’re designed for anyone seeking deeper recovery, including individuals.
Whatever route you take, find ways to connect. Isolation fuels addiction. Community helps dismantle it.
Aligning Your Time With Your True Priorities
As we wrap up, there’s one last exercise we want to leave you with. It’s one we give all our clients, and it can be eye-opening.
Step one: Write down the top five things you want to prioritize in life. These are the things that matter most to your authentic self—family, spirituality, education, creativity, health, friendships, etc.
Step two: Write a second list showing where your time, energy, and resources actually go each day.
Now compare the two lists. Do they match? Where are you aligned—and where are you out of sync?
The more alignment between these two lists, the more cognitive resonance you’ll experience. The more misalignment, the more dissonance. That gap is where stress, shame, and discouragement often live.
Your goal is not to be perfect, but to start closing that gap—one day, one choice at a time.
You’re Far From Alone
To all the young adults reading this—those trying to balance school, mental health, and porn addiction—know that we see you. We honor your struggle. And we believe in your capacity to heal, grow, and rise above this.
You’re not defined by your addiction. You’re not stuck. You’re not broken. You’re in the middle of building something—and that building process can be messy. But with honesty, vision, consistency, and connection, you can absolutely change the course of your life.
And as always, we’re here in your corner.
If you found this article helpful and are looking for more support, come check out our Dare to Connect program. We offer resources not just for couples, but for individuals on every part of the healing journey. Visit us at daretoconnectnow.com — we'd love to have you join us.
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