In this article, based on PBSE Episode 314, we explore why New Year’s resolutions so often fail—especially for addicts and betrayed partners—and what actually leads to real, lasting change. Drawing from our own recovery experiences, we explain how emotionally charged promises, shame-based accountability, and symptom-focused goals tend to reinforce relapse rather than prevent it. We outline a different path forward: change rooted in realistic commitments, reparative accountabi

In this article, based on PBSE Podcast Episode 313, we speak directly to addicts who remain stuck in denial, minimization, or performative recovery, urging them to finally face the real impact of their behavior on their partners. Drawing from two powerful listener submissions and our own lived experience as men in long-term recovery, we explain how chronic deception, broken agreements, emotional abandonment, and sexual betrayal create profound devastation for betrayed partner

When a partner enters recovery, many couples feel pressure to “move on” and leave the past behind—but unresolved loss does not disappear simply because sobriety has begun. In this article (from PBSE Episode 312), we explore why grieving what was lost is not a sign of being stuck, but an essential part of healing for both partners and addicts. Avoiding grief often stems from shame and fear, particularly for addicts, yet skipping this process creates emotional distance and limi

In this article (from PBSE Episode 311) Mark & Steve address a desperate, heart-felt submission from a porn addict in recovery. After years of pornography use, many addicts fear they may never again see their partner as the “most attractive” person in their life. In this episode, we explain that while porn absolutely alters the brain’s arousal wiring and conditions attraction toward novelty and body parts, this is only one narrow slice of what attraction actually is. Culture

This article (based on PBSE Episode 310) explores when specific details about an addict’s acting-out behaviors support healing for a betrayed partner—and when they deepen trauma instead. Drawing on Dr. Omar Minwalla’s concept of Integrity Abuse Disorder , we explain how betrayal creates a manipulated reality that shatters a partner’s sense of safety, driving her trauma brain to compulsively seek information. While transparency and truth are essential, not all details are help

Integrity abuse is the pattern of lying, secrecy, manipulation, and fragmented self-presentation that violates the core ethical contract of a committed relationship and creates a carefully constructed false reality for the betrayed partner. While often intertwined with addiction, it stands on its own as a system of behaviors that erodes trust, exploits a partner’s goodwill, and leaves her questioning her identity, intuition, and safety. The resulting trauma includes hypervigi

This article (based on PBSE episode number 308) explores why many betrayed partners experience complete sexual shutdown after years of sexual betrayal, manipulation, secrecy, and boundary violations. We explain how a partner’s nervous system automatically adapts to danger through sexual aversion, dissociation, loss of desire, or anxiety—not because she is broken, but because her body is protecting her after profound harm. We also address the husband’s emotional “sad tantrums,

Recovering healthy sexual intimacy after pornography-driven sexuality and betrayal requires couples to rebuild from the inside out—starting with authenticity, intention, trust, headspace, and open communication. Because pornography, secrecy, and cultural myths often distort desire and connection, couples must learn to examine their motives, talk openly about meaning behind sexual acts, establish boundaries, and create safety before reintroducing physical intimacy. Healing is

In this article (based on PBSE episode306), we explore the painful confusion many betrayed partners face when asking, “Is my partner a narcissist, or just acting like one?”  While addiction in denial often mimics narcissism—through defensiveness, gaslighting, and emotional withdrawal—true narcissism involves a total absence of empathy and self-awareness. The label matters less than the direction: whether the relationship moves toward honesty, accountability, and healing, or r

In this PBSE episode (based on Episode 305), we confront one of the most disturbing betrayals a partner can face—when a porn-addicted spouse uses photos of family, friends, or acquaintances to fantasize and masturbate. We explore the deep confusion and trauma this causes, explaining how addiction hijacks the brain’s logic and morality, driving behaviors that defy love and conscience. Partners are urged to stop trying to fix their addict and instead focus on trauma support, ac

In this article (based on PBSE Episode 304), Mark and Steve respond to a betrayed partner whose marriage began in deception and has been riddled with years of pornography use, lies, and shattered trust. They validate her trauma as real and severe—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—and emphasize that healing begins with reclaiming her sense of self, setting firm boundaries, and refusing to carry roles like “policewoman” or “confessor.” True recovery for her husband requi

In this article (based on PBSE Episode 303), Mark and Steve respond to a betrayed partner's questions about what real accountability looks like for a recovering porn/sex addict. Real accountability for a porn and sex addict goes far beyond apologies or promises — it’s a daily commitment to honesty, transparency, empathy, and consistent action. It starts with brutal self-honesty, taking full ownership of one’s choices without shifting blame or dumping shame onto a betrayed par

In this article, based on PBSE podcast episode 302, Mark and Steve explore how betrayed partners struggle to believe their partner’s declarations of love and attraction when his porn use tells a very different story. Pornography isn’t about true desire or intimacy — it’s an immature, dopamine-driven escape that stunts emotional growth, distorts attraction, and betrays both self and partner. Because words alone are meaningless after betrayal, trust must be rebuilt through cons

In this article, based on PBSE podcast episode 301, Mark and Steve explore the deep damage caused when a porn/sex addict pressures or...

In this article, from PBSE Episode 300, we confront the painful reality of over-sexualization in relationships, as one betrayed partner...

This episode (from PBSE Episode 299) explores the exhausting cycle many betrayed partners face when addicts make grand gestures of...

In this article (from PBSE Episode 298), we tackle a raw and courageous question from a recovering porn and sex addict: What is truly...

When friends and family compliment an addict in recovery, betrayed partners often feel unseen, isolated, or even gaslit—because they...

This article (from PBSE Podcast Episode 296) explores the painful question many betrayed partners face: “When loving him means losing me,...

This article comes from PBSE Podcast Episode 295. It addresses the painful story of a partner whose husband used pornography as a weapon...